Episode 5 - Naming the day

Friday cont.

It was a pleasant walk to Middlethumpton Registry Office from the HQ carpark. Cleo and Gary were still affected by the gruesome scenario at the vicarage, but not talking about it. Cleo knew that Gary had problems witnessing violence, but at least he had not fainted, she mused. How could such a sensitive guy have become a cop?

“I thought you held up well, Sweetheart.”

“I didn’t want to make a fool of myself in front of those young patrol officers.”

“You didn’t, Gary. I know how much it affects you to see such drama unfolding.”

“No theoretical training lets you in for that sort of scene. You could see it on those young lads’ faces.”

“I once talked to an undertaker. They are summoned to pick up what I describe euphemistically as the ‘pieces’ left by train or plane accidents. It really takes a lot to combat the horror.”

“You manage it well, Cleo.”

“Not really. I just try not to let my own emotions become visible.”

“I’m glad you let me share in them.”

“I’m glad we have the power to shut out the kind of scene that confronted us today. Maybe a hug would be a good idea to help close the episode,” said Cleo.

“Here?”

“Why not?”

***

Cleo and Gary agreed that their long bear-hug had banished  a few of the negative vibes, but they were still stunned by the memories of Edith lying in her own blood on that daybed as they went into the room labelled Registry Office at the Town Hall. A middle-aged woman greeted them. She was all smiles. Gary and Cleo forced themselves to smile back.

“I am Fay Colby, Registry Officer. And you are?”

“Gareth James Hurley, how do you do?”

“Cleopatra Hartley. Nice to meet you, Mrs Colby.”

“And you are here to set a wedding date, I expect. You don’t look very happy about it, if I may say so.”

“We are over the moon about our marriage, but affected by what we have just experienced, Mrs Colby,” said Cleo.

“Are you going to tell me?” said Mrs Colby.

“Briefly, a friend who had slit her wrists and stabbed herself in the stomach.“

“What a way to start the day,” said Mrs Colby. “I’m so sorry.”

As if to take the almost-weds’ minds off their nightmare, the registrar proceeded with her routine, though she would have preferred to ask Cleo to tell her more.

“Do you have documents to prove your eligibility?”

Gary was able to produce his divorce papers.

“My divorce papers are probably available online, Mrs Colby,” Cleo explained. “I only received the decree nisi this morning and I’m afraid it’s still at home. We were called away and forgot it.”

“That’s fine. I can look you up on the appropriate database. I don’t suppose you want to wait too long though, do you?” said Mrs Colby looking at Cleo’s baby bump.

“They are not supposed to be due till the end of April,” said Cleo.

“They?”

“Twins.”

“Congratulations!” said Mrs Colby. Then turning to Gary she said “I suppose you are…”

That question was impertinent, but Gary had now recovered his energy and was fulfilling his dream of marrying Cleo after all the ups and downs of their relationship.

“They are definitely mine, Mrs Colby.” said Gary. “Can you do next week?”

“That soon?” said Cleo to Gary, quite surprised because they hadn’t actually discussed a date.

“Can you think of a reason to wait?” said Gary.

“No. I don't think we should wait too long,” said Cleo.

“How about Saturday week?” Mrs Colby asked, after consulting her agenda.

Gary and Cleo looked at one another and back to Mrs Colby.

“Yes please,” they said unanimously.

“12 noon, Saturday March the 29^th then.”

“Perfect,” said Gary.

“Who will be officiating, Mrs Colby?” Cleo asked.

“I will,” said Mrs Colby. “Can you call in to have a chat next week, say Tuesday afternoon at 5 p.m.?”

“No problem,” said Gary. “We’ll be here. If we can’t manage it…”

“We’ll find another time,” said Mrs Colby.

Despite the presence of the Registrar, Cleo and Gary could not resist enjoying a big hug to crown the moment.

“Sorry about that,” said Gary sheepishly, releasing Cleo. “We hug a lot in our family.”

“Don’t be sorry,” said Mrs Colby, walking around her desk to shake hands with Cleo and Gary. To her complete surprise Gary drew her into a hug, too.

“Goodness, Miss Hartley,” she said when she had recovered from her astonishment. “Your fiancé is very emotional.”

“He’s always like that, Mrs Colby,” said Cleo.

“I wish they all were,” Mrs Colby replied enigmatically.

“Trouble?” said Gary. “Talk to my wife about it.”

“Your wife?”

“I mean my fiancée, Mrs Colby, but in my mind Cleo has been my wife ever since I set eyes on her.”

Cleo thought Mrs Colby looked unhappy, though she smiled graciously.

“I have a PhD in sociology, social anthropology to be exact,” said Cleo. “Here’s my business card, Mrs Colby. Phone me any time, but if the problem is crime-related, phone my husband-to-be. He’s head of the homicide squad at Police Headquarters up the road.”

Mrs Colby looked at Cleo’s card and was duly impressed.

“Do you come from Chicago, Dr Hartley?”

Cleo nodded.

“Sometimes it helps just to talk things over, Mrs Colby,” she said.

“I will be sure to phone you, Dr Hartley. It would be good to hear an outside opinion,” she said, surprised at herself.

Mrs Colby seemed to have forgotten where she was. She did not usually lose track of procedure.

“Just one more important item,” she said, pulling herself together. “Have you decided what names you are going to use?”

“We’ll talk about that over the weekend, Mrs Colby. We need to move on now,” said Gary. “For one thing, we need to visit that friend in hospital.”

***

Cleo and Gary stepped out of the Registry Office into the bright early afternoon sunshine.

“You aren’t seriously thinking of visiting Edith, are you?” Cleo said.

“No. I’d just had enough of Mrs Colby. Greg can take Edith on, but he will have to wait a while before he can question her.”

“Mrs Colby has something weighing heavily on her mind,” said Cleo.

“I expect she’ll tell you in due course, but right now we are going to Romano’s.”

“I don’t think I could…”

“Not for sex,” said Gary, “though on consideration, maybe that too. First priority is a reception after our wedding and I’m sure Romano will be delighted to arrange it.”

“Do we have time just to stop for a moment and enjoy the sunshine?”

“There’s a bench round that tree over there. Let’s sit down. Do you feel all right?”

“Sure. I’m just overwhelmed by Edith’s drastic action, my own selfish happiness and two fast-growing babies.”

“Not selfish. Can I do anything for you? Carry you home, for instance?”

“You must be joking. Another week and we’ll be married,” said Cleo. ”You can heave me over the threshold then. Isn’t that tradition?”

“I’m not sure if I can lift 3 of you, but I’ll make an effort.”

“A year ago I told myself that I was to forget you. I’m so thankful that you were persistent.”

“Is that a nice way of saying I was a nuisance, Cleo?”

“No, of course not.”

“About being married … You aren’t going to henpeck me, are you?” said Gary.

“Not if you promise NOT to make all my decisions for me, or beat me, or chain me to the kitchen stove.”

“Do I have a choice?

***

Romano was delighted to be asked to organize champagne and canapés for the reception after the wedding ceremony. He declared that he was thrilled that two of his favourite customers were going to get hatched!

“Not hatched, Romano. Hitched,” said Gary, highly amused. “Do you know what hatched means?”

The Italian shook his head in dismay. The English language baffled him even after over 20 years running his restaurant in provincial Britain.

“Hatched is when birds break out of their eggshells,” explained Cleo.

“Or babies break out of the belly?” said Romano jokingly as he looked at Cleo’s baby bump, which seemed to be getting bigger by the minute.

“I’ve never thought about it like that, Romano,” said Cleo.

“Signora attenzione! Your baby birds are coming soon.”

“Not soon. In late April,” said Cleo.

“No no no,” said Romano. “Late March. Shall we take bets?”

“Better not, Romano,” said Gary, quite shocked at the idea that according to Romano the babies would arrive before the cottage extensions were finished and perhaps even before the marriage ceremony.

“You’ll be glad when they arrive, won’t you,” said Romano. “I delivered my eldest granddaughter personally,” he continued. “I’ll step in if you need help.”

“I hope I’ll notice soon enough to get to the hospital, Romano,” said Cleo. “But I won’t forget!”

“We have to get going now,” said Gary. “Cleo’s mother is looking after our smallest daughter, but she will want to get to work.”

“Do you send your mother out to work, Cleo?”

“My mother wants to work, Romano. Nobody forces her.”

“You cannot force Gloria Hartley to do anything, Romano. I think she’s exactly what you need here, actually. Shall I bring her along?”

“Gary, I’m an old man, over 63. I am not into amore these days.”

“That’s not what I meant, but when I think about it…”

Cleo thought she had better interrupt.

“We really have to get going now, Gary.”

“Yes, my love. Your wish is my command. Ciao Romano,” he added, giving the Italian a big hug.

“Ciao maestro,” said Cleo, and Romano grinned from ear to ear.

“Don’t forget to bring your glorious mother-in-law next time,” Romano shouted after Gary. “I’ll think about amore.”

***

“Now you’ve done it, Gary,” said Cleo when they were out of earshot.

“I think she’d be perfect for him and it’s time she got out of that butcher’s shop, Cleo.”

“On your head be it!”

“I’ll take the rap! They are the same age and single.”

“Please don’t play cupid!” begged Cleo.

“I can’t think of a reason not to,” said Gary. “She deserves a nice man in her life. Look how she admires my body.”

“No comment on that,” said Cleo.

***

“Gloria, I have a plan,” Gary announced as soon as he saw Gloria at the cottage.

“Later, Gary. I have to go to the shop. I’m already late.”

“I’m inviting you to lunch tomorrow. Will you come?”

“Sure. To what do I owe the honour?”

“Appreciation of your loving care of our children,” said Gary and Cleo winced.

“I think of them as mine, too,” said Gloria. “Are we all going out to lunch tomorrow?”

“Are we, Cleo?”

“Sure. Charlie has a hockey match. We can go to that first and then to Romano’s for lunch. Do you have to work tomorrow, Mother?”

“No. I don’t work on Saturdays any more. I told Robert that I need time for my children.”

“I’ll book a big table,” said Gary. “Dorothy should come, too.”

“I’ll practice my Italian,” said Gloria as she left the cottage.

***

Cleo and Gary had not told her about Edith. They knew Beatrice would have told Robert by now and Robert would be sure to seek the listening ear of his ex-mother-in-law.

“Does your mother really speak Italian?”

“I wouldn’t put it past her,” said Cleo, wondering how her mother would react to Gary’s blatant match-making. “Let’s take our siesta while PeggySue is having hers. I don’t expect Charlie to be home before five thirty. She’ll take the later bus today.”

“Or I’ll be outside the school waiting to collect her. I’ll just send her a text to tell her and ask her what time.”

What would we do without our cell phones, Cleo mused.

A reply from Charlie said not before 5 because she had a hockey conference and Daddy should not send her messages when she was in class. Miss Plimsoll was taking art and did not like to be disturbed.

“Plimsoll?” said Cleo. “I sort of remember her. I must ask Dorothy.”

“Make sure Dorothy knows she’s having lunch with us at Roman’s tomorrow, Cleo. The more the merrier. My mother can meet them all on neutral ground.”

“Have you invited her?”

“I’ll do that how,” said Gary, tapping his mother’s phone number and securing her presence at lunch next day. If Grit was surprise at Gary’s sudden invitation, she was not going to let on.

“It’s siesta time,” said Cleo. “Get under that duvet and I’ll just look in on PeggySue first.”

“Yours or mine?”

“Take your choice, Romeo!”

***

At four p.m. the alarm clock rang.

“I’ll just turn over for a minute,” said Gary.

“Have you ever been kicked out of bed?” said Cleo.

“No, never.”

“There’s a first time for everything.”

“OK. Message received. I’ll fetch PeggySue.”

Two of Gary’s favourite women were still thinking about getting up as he dressed, made himself an espresso, concocted a latté for Cleo, decanted fruit juice for PeggySue, served the bedside drinks with the elegance of a butler, and eventually drove off to Middlethumpton complete with a shopping list for the off-licence. After all, they were about to give a dinner party.

“Are we?” said Gary.

“You invited half HQ, Gary.”

***

Gary was glad his mother would come to Romano’s the following day. He wondered how she would get on with Gloria. It would be amusing to watch and it was high time he mended relations with his mother.

***

Gloria had been instructed to bring a tray of steaks from the shop for Friday’s dinner party. She arrived bearing ready-to-grill prime cuts.

“How many are coming?” she asked. “20?”

“Not quite, Mother.”

“Where’s Gary?”

“Here!” he shouted as he opened the front door. Charlie, who had consented to getting a lift home as long as all her friends could come too, rushed past him to hug Cleo and Gloria. Gloria announced that she would help with the preparations. “But I’m being collected here for the line-dancing class at six thirty,” she said.

“I’ll make some ice-cream,” called Gary, and soon you could hear the humming of the ice-cream maker and the voices on Radio 4 as Gary listened to the news, which did little to brighten his spirits.

“Who’s the lucky guy, Mother?”

“Not guy, Cleo. Gal. Want to know who?”

“Are you going to tell me?”

“Sure. It’s Molly Moss from the pub in Huddlecourt Minor. She says she needs to lose weight.”

“Awesome, but what about the pub?”

“Polly will see to everything.”

“Polly?”

“That’s the girl who was swept off her feet at fifteen and left in the lurch with a kid to rear at eighteen. I can’t remember the guy’s name, but he’s in goal, I do know that.”

“You really need a car for all that gadding around, Mother,” said Cleo.

“I need a man,” whispered Gloria to Cleo’s amazement and then at normal volume “Didn’t you say that I should not drive except in Chicago?”

“Ask Gary,” whispered Cleo.

“I don’t want Gary,” Gloria hissed back.

“I mean ask him if he knows of a guy for you.”

“I might just do that,” said Gloria. “Ciao!”

Gloria had hardly closed the door behind her when Gary returned from his routine inspection of the building progress.

“What does Gloria want to ask me, Cleo?”

“She says she needs a man and is hoping you will find one for her.”

Gary laughed.

“Good on Gloria to have the right idea. I hope Romano is not right about those babies coming so soon. The outsides of the new rooms look almost finished, but they have to break in through walls from the inside to join it all up.”

We’ll cope,” said Cleo. “I can’t imagine why the obstetrician gave me late April or even into May as a birth date if the babies are due in March.”

“Romano is a bit of an old woman,” said Gary. “Don’t believe everything he says. Those Calabrians can be quite inscrutable at times. I’m glad we don’t have Calabrian crime to deal with.“

“Are you sure about that, Gary? Doesn’t Romano pay protection money?”

“I should think he has all that under control and if he’s collecting money from somewhere, I’m not going to investigate.”

“I expect he knows that,” said Cleo.

“Look Cleo. I’ve known Romano since I joined HQ and never had any doubt about his ethics. I’m not the only cop in Middlethumpton. If there had been something to look into, it would not be a job for homicide, but I would have heard about it.”

“OK. I like him, too.”

“He keeps HQ going with his great pasta deliveries. Life would not be the same without them! He can sing, too.”

“So all we need now is a strategy for the weeks of rubble and chaos ahead at home.”

“We can move PeggySue’s cot into our room and put a second cot in for the twins. Charlie can sleep on the sofa,” said Gary. “The back of the cottage is staying as it is, for the moment.”

2Are you thinking of moving out?” said Cleo.

“If we could find a place I can afford…”

***

“What about your mother?” said Cleo.

“She’s joining us at Romano’s for lunch tomorrow. I don’t think she’s planning to stop over.”

“PeggySue could sleep in the living-room with Charlie. Charlie would like to see more of her other grandmother. We can blow up the airbed.”

“Is that want you do to an airbed?” said Gary. “On the other hand, the builders are not here at night so the beds are free.”

***

“If we can get the other gran away from Robert’s shop, I would be very happy,” said Cleo. “I don’t like the idea of her telling Robert tales about us.”

“She wouldn’t do that, would she?”

“Don’t bet on it!”

“I have a hunch that your mother’s days at the butcher’s shop are numbered anyway,” said Gary, enamoured of the idea of partnering her with his Italian friend. “Gloria will take to Romano, I’m sure, and she would love to be in charge there.”

“Would Romano allow that?”

“I don’t suppose Gloria would ask first. He might not even notice. Men don’t always notice when their women are in charge.”

“You said it, Gary. Do you think Robert is going to quit?”

“What? The shop or Edith?”

“The shop AND Edith,” said Cleo.

“I’ll suggest it to him,” said Gary. “He’d be wise to go back to Wales. “He’s lonely and shocked about what has happened to him.”

“You make me feel sorry for him,” said Cleo.

“That would not be the first time. Isn’t that why you married him?”

Cleo could not answer that easily. Yes, on reflection, she had been fond of him, but had not loved him. And he had married her suspecting that she was in love with Gary.

“That guy is in denial, Cleo, and a liar,” said Gary, who felt no compassion for Cleo’s ex.

“OK. Forget Robert.” said Cleo, “and let’s not speculate. The episode with Edith is more of a Greek tragedy than my harmless little marriage.”

“Relatively harmless and fortunately relatively short,” said Gary.

***

After some exhausted play running after a ball on the soggy back -garden grass, Gary and Charlie fed PeggySue and got her ready for bed. Charlie sang to her until she drifted off to sleep while her parents got to grips with the cooking

As usual, there was going to be a buffet on the kitchen worktop to save work. Charlie was to be allowed to have supper with the grown-ups.

At seven the guests arrived. Dorothy came first and was immediately reminded by Gary of their lunch date at his favourite Italian’s the following day. Would she be coming? Of course she would.

Charlie opened the door to Nigel and Brass who had given him a lift from HQ. Nigel did not drive much these days. He thought he was too nervous and he quite liked the way he looked in his new crash helmet riding a bike. He even talked of joining the Tour de France.

“I’ll teach you,” Brass had offered.

“It’s not that I can’t drive, but sitting in a patrol car convinced me that driving is not my thing!” said Nigel.

“I’m glad you came, Nigel,” said Gary. “You didn’t look very enthusiastic. I thought you would chicken out.”

“I’m a bit out overwhelmed,” said Nigel.

“Is something up?” said Gary.

“I’ve met a lovely man.”

“Another?”

“Haven’t I already told you?”

“I seem to remember…”

***

Charlie came in to hold Nigel’s hand. He was reminded of his little sister. They could hold lovely conversations and Nigel did not feel silly with Charlie or his sister. Sometimes the cop jargon got on his nerves, he had to admit.

There was indeed something quite childlike about Nigel. Gary had once said that he was the sort of guy who should never have left home. Cleo said all men were basically like that.

Gary ducked that debate and checked with his mother again about lunch the following day.

Cleo once asked Gary  why he had cut down his contact with her? She likes my first wife, Gary had told her.

“I could not stand being told how nice she was when I knew better,” he explained.

Gary did not talk about his family, so when he did reveal something, she was usually fascinated. Her family had consisted of herself and Gloria. If she had relatives anywhere, Gloria was not telling. When she finally got round to asking, she discovered that her mother had been left in a park as a new-born and raised by nuns in a convent. They had been scandalized when Gloria decided to be a dancer, and she never went back to that convent to see them. When Cleo finally got there, the building was closed and the convent had been disbanded.

Gary thought it explained why mother and daughter were fiercely independent and often lovelorn.

“You know my mother was South African till she left Durban and came to Oxford, don’t you, Cleo? That’s where she met my step-father.”

“You told me that. I can’t wait to meet her.”

“Did I ever tell you that my biological father is shrouded in mist?”

“No.”

“I think he absconded and left my mother in the lurch. She wore a wedding ring, but I don’t think she was married to him.

“So we are both illegitimate, are we?”

“I think so.”

“Does that matter, Gary?”

“It did forty years ago. I think my mother made a lot of her second marriage in S.A. to be socially acceptable, but it didn’t last. I often wonder if coming to Oxford was her way of running away. But she was happy with Hurley and I took his name. I liked him, too.”

“Why are you telling me all this now?” Cleo asked.

“I want you to be well-prepared for the modern woman who happens to be my mother.”

“Awesome!”

“There’s something melancholy about her that doesn’t quite fit. I hope she’ll tell you one day, Cleo. There are things in her past that she simply won’t talk about.”

***

The dinner party interrupted any further family talk.

Roger Stone was delighted to see Cleo, for whom he admitted to having a soft spot. He was also quite taken with Brass, much to Gary’s surprise. Roger was openly delighted that Dorothy was there. He knew Nigel well. Why such a twitchy, nervous young man had joined the police force was a total mystery to Roger, but he had proved an ideal assistant for Gary, though he was not the sexy female he had once replaced. Since both men had also had brief affairs with Gary’s previous assistant, they took care to remind themselves that Nigel really was the best solution to the problem of who to get next.

Roger had not replaced the ambitious Shirley Temple, who had met her death at the hands of his possessive wife, but he wondered if Brass might be the right choice, except that he was going to manage the sub police station and Roger could hardly prise Brass away from an enterprise he himself had helped to initiate. So it was back to square 1 for Roger, who was obliged to get one of the receptionists to help out.

“I need someone who does not talk the hind leg off a donkey,” he told Gary.

Let’s ask Brass if he has an idea,” Gary suggested. ”All the decent guys want to escape from Frint-on-Sea.”

***

Brass announced that he would prefer to rent the bungalow in Lavender Drive for the time being, so Cleo would clinch her purchase deal with the bank. What a good job she and Gary were getting married, she mused. That would make legal procedures a whole lot easier. Brass’s rent would go a long way towards paying for the property.

“It’s your decision, Brass,” said Cleo. “You would be financially better off if you bought the bungalow.”

“I know that, but I don’t know how long I will be here, do I?”

“I did not offer you temporary work,” said Gary.

“And I’ve heard enough about you and talked with you long enough to know that you are going to be an asset,” said Roger.

“Then I’ll let the children decide,” said Brass. “If they are happy here, I’ll be happy too.”

“That’s a fair argument, Brass,” said Gary.

Tom Birch arrived late. He had noticed an error in the HQ communications with the Upper Grumpsfield office and had traced the fault to a software problem at HQ. Roger was impressed. Brass was excited.

***

Charlie showed Nigel her Barbie dolls. He was starting to enjoy himself, not least because he was getting a few new ideas for his travesty show from the totally un-childlike dolls little girls so love.

Dorothy was delighted that Upper Grumpsfield was going to be a bit safer thanks to the sub police station.

“I can’t promise that, Miss Price,” said Brass.

“I’m Dorothy, Brass.”

“But I’m not Fred. Did you hear that, Nigel?”

“How do you think I’d look in this gold outfit, Fred?” said Nigel, holding up the doll for all to see.

“A bit tawdry,” said Dorothy, wondering what sort of a guy Nigel really was. She had thought he was a cop and now she thought two souls rested in his breast.

Nigel saw that the guests were all genuinely puzzled, except for Gary, who was in the know about Nigel’s preferences.

“I run a travesty show,” he explained.

“Wow,” said Cleo. “When and where are you performing. I’ll be sure to come.”

“Come and watch a rehearsal,” said Nigel. “But you’d better leave the kids at home. The colleagues would be overwhelmed. Some of them have their own kids, but leave them at home because they can’t answer their questions adequately.”

“I thought travesty artists were all…” said Brass, taken back.

“…gay, Fred? Of course not. You’d be surprised how many family fathers are cross-dressers.”

“What’s ‘gay’, Daddy?” asked Charlie, listening wide-eyed to this grown-up repartee.

“It has lots of meanings, Charlie. I’ll explain another time.”

“And what’s a cross-dresser?”

“That’s when a woman wears man’s clothes or a man wears woman’s clothes.”

“Like you wearing Cleo’s kimono, Daddy?”

Everyone looked at Gary.

“We share it, Charlie. I’m hoping to get one of my own one day.”

“I’ll buy you one next Christmas,” said Charlie.

“Who sews your costumes, Nigel?” Dorothy asked.

“Members of the cast or their wives and mothers do that, Dorothy.”

“I’ll help you, if you like.”

“That would be great. I usually have to take things home to my mother, but she doesn’t like me dressing up as a girl.”

“I shouldn’t worry about that, Nigel. I’m sure you look great,” said Cleo.

“We could ask Mary Baker if we can hold a travesty show at the church hall,” said Dorothy. “Mary is very open-minded.”

“We are very respectable, Dorothy,” said Nigel. “We just sing and prance about a bit. No strip.”

“What’s strip?” said Charlie.

“Strip is when you take your clothes off, Charlie,” said Gary.

“Like when you and Mummy….”

All eyes were now on Gary.

“…like when we practice for the nudist camp.”

Everyone was agog.

“Don’t look at me,” he said. “It was Cleo’s idea.”

“It was your idea, Gary. You had been prancing around in the nude in front of my mother,” said Cleo in self-defence.

That statement required some kind of explanation, but Dorothy cut in.

“Time for bed, Charlie,” she said. “We’ll talk for a bit, shall we?”

“I am a bit tired,” admitted Charlie.

Roger also thought that the small talk was getting a bit out of hand. Nigel was a conscientious assistant and what he did legally in his free time was his business.

Dorothy returned with Charlie.

“I haven’t had my dinner yet,” said Charlie. “What’s a nudist camp, Daddy?”

“Yes. What is a nudist camp, Gary?” Nigel repeated, as Gary led the way into the kitchen. The dinner had been keeping warm except for the steaks, which Roger now fried to order after volunteering his help. It was a merry group who finally had a bit of everything on their plates and went to sit somewhere in the living-room. The steaks, corn on the cob, jacket potatoes smothered in butter and a mixed salad were pronounced perfect. The homemade ice-cream was a triumph.

“This all reminds me of the parties we had on birthdays at home,” said Nigel.

“I’ll invite you to mine, Nigel,” said Charlie. “I haven’t had a birthday here before. I’m sure we’ll have ice-cream, jelly, blancmange, butterfly cakes and sausages on sticks, won’t we, Mummy?”

“That all sounds rather incredible,” said Cleo. “I hope Dorothy will help me. What are butterfly cakes?”

“Easy,” said Dorothy. “You make muffins, cut the tops off and half them, put lots of whipped cream on the cut muffin then stick the two cut bits of the lid into the cream like wings.”

“I don’t think I can wait till it’s you birthday, Charlie.”

“When is your birthday, Charlie?” asked Nigel.

“June the 20^th.”

“I’ll definitely come, Charlie,” said Nigel.

Cleo fetched coffee, offered cognac to everyone, and put grapes, cheese and biscuits on the dining table for everyone to help themselves.

Gary took Charlie off to bed. She needed her sleep if she was going to do a good job at the hockey match next morning.

***

“Have you ever watched little girls play hockey?” Gary asked when he came back. Charlie had gone to sleep the moment her head hit the pillow. PeggySue was fast asleep in her cot. Gary had stood between his daughters for a moment and asked himself if things could get any better.

“Gary was appalled last time,” said Cleo.

“They go at it hammer and tongs. Pure butchery,” said Gary. “There are more injuries at a girl’s hockey game than at an international rugby match.”

“The girls play football at my daughters’ school,” said Brass. “I’m not sure if they actually know the rules. It all looks like a free-for-all to me.”

“They’ll enjoy playing football with the Parsnip boys,” said Cleo, then hesitated. “Oh dear. I’d almost forgotten. It’s really very sad. We don’t know what will become of them if…”

***

“Is their mother out of danger, Cleo?” Roger wanted to know.

“I’ll ring the hospital,” said Gary.  

“I’m sorry I’ve dampened our spirits, folks,” said Cleo.

“Rubbish, Cleo. You didn’t dampen anyone’s spirits,” said Gary. “Edith overstepped the mark with Robert and she seems to have lost her mind in the process.”

“What are you talking about,” said Dorothy.

Gary proceeded to outline the current situation to the dinner guests.

Dorothy was appalled.

“I’m not sure you are the right person to question her, Gary. What do you think?” said Roger.

“I’m quite sure I’m not the right person to question her, but Greg will be. I know her too well, Roger, and it would not do any good for Cleo to step in now. She’s trying to wind down before the babies arrive and does not need that kind of emotional pressure. Will you take over with Greg?”

“I’ll be glad to,” said Roger. “I’ve been getting further and further away from routine.”

“Just make sure you have at least one policewoman to a confrontation with her, Roger. The woman seems to have lost her self-control, especially if we are talking about sexual urges. She might accuse you of something if you are alone with her. She will certainly try to make up to you if you talk to her alone. That applies to Greg too, of course. You could also get Dorothy in to witness the interview unseen. She knows Edith better than any of us and might pass on some questions you could ask.”

“Can you be there, Dorothy?”

“Yes. I’m glad to be of help.”

I’m almost looking forward to the event,” said Roger.

“You’ll wish you hadn’t said that, Roger,” said Cleo. “After all, Robert is suing her for sexual harassment and rape.”

“Pathetic,” said Roger. “Couldn’t the man stand up to her?”

“Presumably not without hurting her,” said Gary.

“So she hurt him instead,” said Cleo.

“I wonder what a judge will do with that?” said Roger.” Men get sent down for several years for those crimes.”

“I’m glad I’m not a judge,” said Cleo. “More coffee, anyone?”

“Can Brass start work next week, Tom?” Gary asked.

“Yes, but I’ll be on hand in case there are hitches. I notice that they had nailed the ‘police station’ notice in position so I’m sure you’ll have plenty to do even if people are just curious, Brass.”

“We’ll announce the opening officially,” said Roger. “Perhaps they can get it into the local rag next Monday or on Thursday at the latest. Prepare yourself for a live interview, Brass. Local radio also plays a big part in advertising and you will be responsible for surrounding villages, too.”

The guests from Middlethumpton left reluctantly shortly before midnight.

***

“I’ll walk you home, Dorothy,” Gary offered. “It’s very late. I’d like to see you safe and sound.”

“I’m not scared, Gary. I have my pistol with me.”

“You should not carry that around, Dorothy,” said Gary.

“I feel safer with it, Gary, but it would be nice to have an escort home.”

“Do you want to watch the hockey tomorrow?

“I can’t. I have two piano lessons to suffer. I’ll come straight to the restaurant.”

“We’ll eat at one, Dorothy. Be sure to be there. I think we are in for at least one surprise.”